April 2020

Lockdown is well and truly upon us and like so many others I still don’t know what to make of it all. Some days I think ‘Oh it’s not that bad’, on others I want to go and rock in a corner crying. My kids have been off school for weeks, and although my youngest can go in when I work because I’m a key worker and relevant in keeping the nation going and all that. Somehow, I am reluctant to send him in though; I feel a little guilty at using those resources and I also wonder if he is not at a greater risk of passing Corona on to everyone he comes in contact with seeing that I work in retail and people seem to have no grasp of social distancing to me and my colleagues.

It appears we can neither pass on anything or in fact catch it ourselves. Not sure if I should laugh or cry about that. I think it must be similar to the former communist block going shopping these days. You queue outside forever and a day together with dozens of other people: once you get inside you take what you can get and too much of it because it happens to be available. We open the store earlier, we man the doors and we ask people to shop individually where possible. Quite frankly, it’s a joke. I’m glad when I can get out and go home and not have to bother with people. I only get shopping when I’m at work. There is no way I am setting foot in another store – apart from our little corner shop across the road because they have coconut and lactofree milk and I need that in my life. I honestly can’t tell you what day it is and I don’t really care either.

The boys are getting really bored but they are also really good, helping in the house and are trying to understand what is going on. The little one has not seen his dad since the middle of March but he is taking it in his stride. A lot more difficult is it to explain to him about social distancing and why he can’t see his friends all of a sudden or his lovely auntie Michelle. And why my friends are not coming round anymore. He kind of gets it but not really. I am talking to my parents every day. I miss them a lot and that I can’t go and see them for an unknown time for now all of a sudden makes me really homesick. And angry. At the world in general and occasionally the idiots who eat weird stuff without basic hygiene precautions. The only one who isn’t bothered by anything is the cat although I’m sure he is a bit confused why the boys are not in school, but he also doesn’t really care as long as there is someone to feed him.

There is Easter to look forward to and I am refusing to give that up entirely – we need something to look forward to and I love those yummy giant Ostrich eggs made out of caramel chocolate. Although admittedly most Easter eggs might have been eaten before the actual holidays. But you know, they might have been in danger of going off. So it was a precaution of course. And maybe a little bit of boredom. Ever so slightly. We are allowed to go out an hour a day to exercise and we do go on a lot of walks. The little one loves his walks, the older one gives it a miss when he can’t be bothered, but he trotts dutifully along every so often. It’s a nice little break from being locked up inside and it’s funny how nature doesn’t give a damn about the whole Corona thing while the human world sinks into chaos and despair.

We are starting to settle into our own little Corona routines, I think you have to stick to some form of normality while this is going on and I am so glad I get to work every week by now. I am not sure this enforced holiday is good for people. There is a strange atmosphere at work, our team has definitely grown together and we are keeping each other sane. And I love it how all of a sudden the canteen is filling up every day with home baked goodies from our kitchens. Even sometimes on days off which I think is a lovely token of care towards the rest of us. People get a bit more used to the social distancing rules, although you see some who don’t care at all while others expect god knows what kind of precautions. I’m careful. I wash my hands all the time and use disinfectant but I don’t wear a mask. I am glad about where I work because I know if I really need something I can get it. I do the shopping once or twice a week for my elderly neighbours so they don’t have to go out and they are so grateful for it it makes my heart melt. Every so often I get instructions to buy myself some flowers which in turn makes me really happy. My parents are secretly impressed with this social streak of mine.

We bake a lot. Especially with bananas. There seems to be a constant surplus of bananas in the house and quite frankly I can’t explain it because I am sure as hell do not buy any more than before the lockdown. Yet somehow they seem to miraculously multiply when I’m not looking. So now it’s banana pancakes and muffins and bread and what not to get rid of the damn things. We make our own rolls and bread by now and – drum roll please – pretzels. Those guys I am particularly proud of because they are not only German and delicious and I miss home but I actually thought they were really difficult to make and as it turns out, not so much. Well, I manage to produce them so it can’t be that challenging anyway. Although, they don’t always look like the real thing, but they taste like it and that’s what counts!

Towards the end of the month I realised that a lot of my trousers have become a bit on the snug side. I haven’t been running since February and I have been very generous to myself with ice cream and cake and gin and more cake and I know I put on a little bit of weight but this has been bugging me so I decide to weight myself. One stone more than before. Not good. Especially because I can’t close my favourite jeans anymore. True that. So, running is back on the agenda. And a bit less cake. Amen to that.

Much love marvelous people. Candidly yours, TC.

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