June 2020

June has come and is nearly gone, which means this year not worth mentioning is as good as half over. I’m undecided yet if that is a good or a bad thing. For the first time since the lockdown started I had to get some petrol last week whereas I was filling up two or three times a month before. I’m starting to wonder if I actually still need a car. A rather rhetorical question I hasten to add, I do need a car in general. It is just not as well used right now as it was before and this seems to be a time we are making a sport out of questioning everything. Lockdown has been eased slightly but my desire to go anywhere is somewhat non existent – so is that of the boys. Social bubbles are a thing now, some shops have reopened and my hair dresser will be available again in a couple of weeks. Strangely enough, when I told my boss I need the day off to get my hair done – there is four months worth to catch up on! – he was surprisingly understanding but then he is married so I guess his wife might have taught him a lesson or two in that respect.

I have become a lot more consistent with my running over the last couple of months which I am quite pleased about. I enjoy the routine and listening to music while I run is relaxing and helps me to stay sane. I easily do 10k now, three or four times a week, some days I feel like a whippet and on others a bit more like an elephant. But that doesn’t matter, as long as I go. I still run with one of the mums from school sometimes which is just another little bit of normality coming back into our lives. I have become a lot more health conscious about what I eat, mainly because it annoys me how much sugar is in a lot of food, so the lockdown has given me the time to experiment a little in the sweet treats department. I can’t do without cakes and treats, but I also have to consider my lactose intolerance which seems to be getting more prominent so making my own is just the best option and although some things are decidedly yuck, I have come up with some rather cool stuff I will gradually post in my blog.

Work is plodding along, the safety measures have become second nature to us by now and I am sticking with my part-time hours as it gives me more time for both myself and the boys which is a good thing all round. My rota changed a little and is more regular, rather pleasant I must say, and helps keeping on top of things a lot easier than before even without the help of an au pair. I am still not used to all the homework we suddenly have to do and playing school – anyone who knows me will chuckle at the thought of me being a teacher – and I admit we have been lagging quite a bit but we are back on track now and both boys are doing really well. Im sure they will do great moving up in school and the little one just got his new class through for the next year and is dead pleased he has the same teacher as his brother had before him.

We are still doing our family walks, extending them gradually into areas we haven’t ventured before, and even get joined by some friends sometimes which is really nice. The boys miss and crave social contacts, especially the older one who has not been in school at all unlike the little one. He chats to his mates on social media and they play together online, but that is obviously not the same. They don’t follow the curriculum when the kids are in school at all but they are so creative with them, the little one loves being there and on some days, he even sees some kids from his class. When schools reopen for a couple of days at the end of the month he will stay in the key worker bubble though to make things easier, the school year is officially over in three weeks anyway and my work pattern does not fit in with the days of the year group bubbles. That is a quite scary thought but at least – fingers crossed – in September normal school days will be resumed. Here is at least to hoping.

My bad days are by no means gone, but overall my mind is slowly coming to rest which is such a welcome and much needed thing. I don’t quite trust the peace though, I know it will go back to the really bad times again eventually – it always has and always will. But for now, the anxiety attacks at night are gone and it gives me time to breathe. I sleep more than before and I go to bed way before the boys some days but I don’t really care. The oldest has been an absolute star, he even cooks dinner sometimes, but in all fairness he loves experimenting in the kitchen so I am happy for him to spread his wings a little more.

One thing I find quite soothing is spending more time in the kitchen, cooking things from scratch I would normally use something from a package before. According to my sons, I now make some excellent Chinese prawn noodles. The little one decided halfway through the lockdown, he is a pescatarian now. Fair enough. I don’t mind eating fish thank god but the oldest isn’t too keen so it requires a bit of juggling.

Let’s see what the second half of the year brings, maybe it won’t be a write off entirely!

Much love marvelous people. Candidly yours, TC.

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