The One That Went Spectacularly Wrong

As you might have guessed by now, I absolutely love chatting. My attention span might not last beyond a couple of hours depending on the level of interest I have in my counterpart but any guy who happily engages in this occasionally time consuming activity with me automatically gets held in higher esteem than others and gets ‘first dibs’ on a date.

And yes, I frequently chat to two, three or more guys simultaneously and my free time is rather sparse and precious so I sometimes have to choose which one to go out with, because we all know just how quickly these things go from burning hellfire to stone cold. Add to that the occasional voice message thrown in and I’m already pretty taken in. Yes, I’m not asking for much. My bad.

So I was quite excited to go on a date with this geezer – in his own words although he didn’t talk like Delboy thank God – as grand finale of an already pretty awesome weekend that I spend with good friends climbing a few mountains.

We met at Liverpool Street Station and strolled up to Shoreditch to one of my favourite bars up there. Now before you say anything, I have A LOT of favourite places in London so the likelihood is I refer to most of them as such. We even got the last bit of Happy Hour and of course made the most of that, as in ordering about five or six cocktails in under an hour. We got on fabulously, although that might have been down to the fact that we both were quite merry.

Now, I knew he had only split up with his wife a few months earlier but previous conversations had only brushed over that so I had assumed he was dealing with it quite well and getting on with his life as a single guy. Apart from that, they mainly evolved around TV shows, travel and motorbikes – in short pretty cool stuff we both liked and it just flowed, so not red flags there. Ah well……

We decided to grab a bite to eat and with the Urban Food Fest just around the corner – which is open over the summer with food and drinks stalls in a little court yard for those of you who do not know. I had a vague memory of it from one of my birthday outings and they were not bad at all. We got some Jamaican food, a jug of cocktail and just as I’m thinking this is going really well, he goes, I have to tell you something. Oh dear. To cut a long and very awkward story short, he had told me in the morning he would be out with a friend for lunch. As it turned out that ‘friend’ had been his wife. Who wanted a divorce. And he wanted her back. Right. Excellent. What. The. Fuck. Why exactly were we here then?

After this little let down I probably decided to make the most of him having a guilt trip and paying for everything and pretty much downed that cocktail jug by myself. The flow of conversation suffered substantially after this revelation so a last drink before trains was the course of action, because when you sip on something, you don’t have to talk. Bad Idea. Very bad.It wasn’t even alcohol anymore, just a Coke but my stomach had had enough. And decided it would be a glorious idea to empty its contents pretty much onto this guy’s lap. I managed to use some napkins to contain the disaster somewhat, dive into the ladies and kind of sort myself out. Ever tried drying a dress under a wall attached blow dryer? Works surprisingly well. The smell of sick in my hair was a bit of a give away though. Bloody hell. A very nice waitress came to inquire about my well being and to tell me I wouldn’t be served any more booze – no shit Sherlock, did she really think I would want anymore? Surprisingly, geezer boy was still there, but needless to say the walk to the station was very much a walk of shame on my .part

Thank god there wasn’t anyone on the train I knew, which usually tends to happen when I am not at my best on the way home from a night out. We exchanged a couple of messages the next day but then the geezer decided to block me. Ah well, not that I was that bothered although I did find it was little childish. But I guess I deserved it. I do think though he shouldn’t never have gone out with me in the first place, if you are still so entangled in your previous relationship you are better off getting your head and heart in a better place first. Pretty sure though he won’t forget this day in his life, for all the wrong reasons.

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