Despite its title, this is for once a somewhat more serious thing to write about. I started thinking about this after what happened on one of my last dates.I will publish the post soon as well and even though I usually want to keep the blog lighthearted, I also think some not so fluffy stuff has to be spoken about.
We all make choices on a daily basis, and some of them might be a spur of the moment thing, but they are always founded on the information we have at this point in time and the, be it negative or positive, feeling we have about the situation we find ourselves in. If at a later date, we decide to revise or decision – or for that matter stand by it – we are fully entitled to do so. It is our choice. Our right. And with that our decision what or what not we give consent to. But unfortunately there are situations where it just isn’t as black and white anymore and as a normally strong, independent and what not else woman, I do struggle with that considerably more than I’d like to admit. When a stranger tries to jump you on the road, you don’t think twice about giving them a hard punch in the guts for so blatantly violating your body and soul, but what if you know the person who suddenly proceeds in ways you do not feel comfortable about anymore?
When I was on this date I’d rather forget about, I was quite happy with how things developed at first. But then the behaviour of my companion changed and made me feel more and more uncomfortable and uneasy. He was pushing his own agenda, very obviously. He wanted to get laid that night, I did not. Now, up to the point of him realising that, the evening was really pleasant. But then he made the decision to ignore my personal choice and try to persue his own agenda nonetheless and quite ruthlessly at that.
There are two things that anger me about this. The first is, surprisingly, myself. Do not misunderstand me, I do not take any blame for the actual situation for one second, but I am concerned about the way I reacted at first. I did just freeze, did nothing and went along with it for a while until I managed to ‘escape’. And I wish I would have had more drive and determination to put a stop to it the moment I realised it was not going along with my choices anymore. I’m not entirely sure why it went like that, but it is worrying in any case. The lesson I take from it is a need to trust my instincts a lot more and follow them. They are there for a reason.
The other thing that absolutely infuriates me though is that for some reason this guy felt entitled to ignore my choice and just get on with his own thing. How very dare he? How on earth did he reach the conclusion that it was okay to try and pressure me into something I obviously was not interested in or felt comfortable with? That somehow my opinion did not matter as much as his own did and could simply be ignored. It would be tiresome to list all the things that could be the reason for this, but it boils down to one simple thing. He did not have enough respect for me to consider me an equal in all this. This realisation is quite crushing. Without respect and equality no relationship, no matter if it’s just casual or something more can ever work. If you don’t feel respected by someone, why waste your time on them?
One last thing that crossed my mind about this. I think one reason why I got so stuck in this situation was the fear to appear weak by asking someone for help to remove me from it. I sincerely hope if I am ever around when someone else feels like this, they have the courage to ask me for help. I will have your back. Promise.