There are so many dating apps by now, I’m sure if you have a thing for bearded gingers who are 5’9″, eat porridge for breakfast and have a black cat named Gizmo, hey presto, there will be one just for you. Someone else who joined the merry roundabout of dating offerings now is, who would have thought it, the book of the faces.
I noticed it after for however many months of them taking pity on me in my forever single state every time I logged on and coming up with an array of dating possibilities that I kept declining. Until one day they gave up and Mark said to me ‘hey how about I find you a date, I happen to know more single guys than the lot of them!’ Clever really if you think about it. I mean they already know so much about us and a Billion other people, your profile is already 80% complete before you even start and there is a near indefinite supply of possible suitors on hand too. Dating handed to you on a silver platter. Even very considerate because they won’t tell your friends that you are desperately seeking. They might match you with the friends of your friends though so there is still a lot of potential for awkwardness.
I wonder if Mark knows though that his minions already use the book as a dating platform, whether their chosen object of affection is in the game or not. The part of my profile that is visible to the whole world states quite clearly I am not interested in finding a man – nor a new diet, fitness regime or religion for that matter. But I do get messages pretty much every day of random dudes informing me that a) I am pretty, b) they are single c) they want to get to know me or d) I have great photos. There have been other intros but this covers about 90 percent of them.
I delete most of them without even opening the message, not because I want to be rude but it is time consuming and after all I did not ask to be contacted so the lack of a reply should indicate a lack of interest. Some don’t get the hint though and then I let them down short and sweet. I hold my hand up though if the sender is quite attractive and the message nice, I might start a conversation. As it always very quickly comes to the subject of singledom though, the conversations are pretty short because the guys are not looking for a pen pal they want a girlfriend. The logic behind this baffles me on occasion though, when the hopeful messenger is some 600 kilometres away from my good self.
But then there are the ones who get straight to the point – hey great eyes, fancy an online adventure/sexy chat/exchange of naughty pictures. I beg your pardon? Those always get a reply. A pretty long rant about respect and decency and how they are letting mankind down with their appalling behaviour and have now ruined my day with their horrid request. The fact that this is a copy and paste job locked on my clipboard is more frustrating than anything else it just shows I do have to send it on a regular basis – two fingers up to Oliver S. from K. at this point for being the latest recipient of said c&p text. Who by the way felt very insulted that I send him such a lengthy complaint and didn’t harbour some mutual feelings of whatever. Block, report. Drastic measures? I don’t think so.
But, confession time…. after making sure no friends of friends will appear in front of me, I’m going to have a little snoop around Mark’s dating book. Let’s see how many I recognise from other apps……